I recently learned water and iPhones don't play well together.
After my accidental experiment with the two, I learned about the process of trying to replace an iPhone that had not been backed up since the day I got it last fall. I was still in the phase of, "I have to figure out how to back up my phone with that iCloud thingy."
Before that, I had realized my iPhone 5 could do anything. I am sure it could:
Make me breakfast (iCook).
Teach my dogs algebra (iDogs).
Drive my truck (iDrive).
Write my columns (iWrite).
Like with iCloud, I simply hadn't taken the time to figure it out yet and hadn't downloaded the right apps. But my confidence in my old iPhone was growing on a daily basis - before I added water to it.
Through the miracle of insurance plus a deductible of $199, I got my new iPhone 5. It had all the features of my old iPhone and more. Except for one problem.
My phone would not make phone calls.
I am not kidding. For two days, no calls.
I went through a couple of days of trying to fix it myself - ha, like I was imaging this iPhone was my former blue and white Ford Pinto that I wrenched on all the time. No luck.
I quickly swirled into a deep depression. Not having a 24/7 phone that works is like having the "Gilligan's Island" nightmare all over again.
So I was forced to admit defeat and take it into the shop. You know what I am talking about, the only place in South Dakota where you have to wait in line.
Yes, the phone store.
The place where you and I ask the stupidest of questions to those poor employees who have to keep straight faces when we ask our questions like:
How do you turn this on?
Can you turn up the sound on this thing?
Can I access my child's cellphone so I can remotely take control of it at anytime?
Like if I wanted to keep a list of some of the people I call on a regular basis, is there some way I can keep that list in my phone?
Does this phone have a camera?
I always feel like we have become the tools of the tools we have invented when I enter a phone store. Nevermind our council members, representatives and senators, phone store employees have become our real leaders.
What they tell us affects us on the deepest level of our day-to-day lives. They tell us what we can and can't do. My eyes always start to glaze over when they start talking about Sim cards, 3Gs and all the other Gs and the phone plans.
I always feel like a part of me is lost, that I am looking for a plug-in in a wireless world.
But this story has a happy ending. Minus the $199.
The nice people at the phone store swooped in and got my device to make phone calls fastest than I could change oil in my old Pinto.
They told me what I did wrong, how to make things better and how iCloud works. All they got in return was glazed over eyes, a nodding of my head like I was understanding what they were telling me and a "thank you."
It doesn't seem like enough payment for people from whom we expect miracles on a daily basis.
So now I am back online and hooked up with a new iPhone 5 that does it all. Including one that makes phone calls.
John Papendick is the managing news-sports editor for the American News: jpapendick@aberdeennews.com; Twitter: @jpapendick